54. 10 Things I'm Afraid To Tell You
Today's podcast episode is inspired by Jess Lively & Jenna Kutcher. Both of these ladies have done similar podcast episodes and they honestly are my favorites of theirs. I am always a fan of people showing their true colors, being honest & open no matter how scary it can be.
Now it's my turn.
I think when you create a growing platform and you have eyes on you, as much as you want to share it all, you tend to get a little afraid to do so. You become afraid of judgment and sometimes you just want to seem like you have it all together.
Well, if you've been following me for any amount of time you know that glossy isn't my thing. I pride myself on being open and honest with all of you. And, 97% of the time I really am. But there are things that I get afraid to post about, talk about or share and that's just because I'm 100% human. So I thank you today for creating space for me to get really honest with you and share with you 10 things I'm afraid to tell you.
10 Things I'm Afraid To Tell You
1. I have never been happier in my relationship with Albert than I am right now: My relationship is something I've chosen to stay quiet about on all of my platforms. Albert doesn't have social media and so I like to respect his privacy while also keeping something sacred to myself too. But, I have vaguely talked about our struggles in the past. And since I've posted 1-2 photos of us lately I wanted to share how utterly happy I am with him. Our relationship has evolved, grown and blossomed so beautifully over the last few months and I am truly so happy with. He's a good one.
2. I stopped teaching Spinning about 2 months ago and am struggling to find movement again: A few business related things happened at the studio I was teaching at (nothing to do with me) that resulted in cancelling most of the group fitness classes. At this time I was having a bit of back pain and took the cancellation as a sign that I needed a break. But, during this break from teaching I've struggled finding movement again. I've always relied on spinning & now that I don't have that I've felt unmotivated to move in any way. I know that I enjoy activities more than workouts and so I'm looking forward to the weather getting nicer to grab my bike and ride around town.
3. I am still on step 1 of the Intuitive Eating principles: There are 8 IE principles but, I haven't moved past step 1 - let go of diet culture and the pursuit of weight loss. I've lived with a diet mentality for most of my life and so the habits and thought patterns I've had for all these years are tough ones to un-learn. So while I talk to the other parts of IE in blogs or podcasts, my work is still very much involved with step 1.
4. I haven't done events/meet-ups/courses yet because I'm afraid no one will show up: This is a fear I've had for quite some time. I love writing & podcasting but doing an in-person event takes all of this to the next level. And fear can be rude with thoughts like "will anyone show up?" or "does anyone even care?" And so, this is me being honest that sometimes I get a little bit afraid to take the next step with LoDownLiving.
5. I really, really want to be a Mom: This is one part of my life I know for sure - I was meant to be a Mom. I really love kids and kids tend to gravitate towards me too. It's just something I feel deep in my bones; motherhood is for me. And mentally I'm totally ready. I can't wait for this chapter of my life should I be so lucky to have it.
6. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get out of debt: Debt repayment is a tough task to take on, I won't sugar coat that. But, no matter how much I have conversations about money, reconfigure my budget or save my money - it still seems like the money never goes away. So while I know this is a fearful thought (hence - things I'm afraid to tell you) and isn't rooted in truth, sometimes it still creeps in my mind.
7. I still have days where I struggle with my weight gain: Releasing diet culture is really hard. And I'm in the process of un-learning a lot of things I've read and learned while being involved in a diet mindset for so long. With that means re-teaching yourself that gaining a few pounds isn't the end of the world. But, when you're new to this mindset, it takes a long time to stick. Some days I don' t think about my body at all and other days I just wish I never picked up a fork. So this is me being honest and saying, sometimes I have difficult body image days still.
8. I think about creating content for the blog and the podcast a lot: At every turn I'm wanting to be immersed in these projects. It's all I think about sometimes. I know I have a story to tell and I know I have lessons to pass on and so I'm always looking at news ways to incorporate them into the blog & podcast. They truly are *passion* projects!
9. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I'm not certified: There are times when I'm writing or recording a new show and the feeling creeps in. The feeling of "why should anyone listen to ME?!" And sometimes to calm that feeling I start looking for certifications to get - health coach, life coach, yoga teacher, Registered Dietician, etc. Maybe I don't believe my story and experiences are enough? Maybe it's because the world of social media makes everyone look like an expert and I want to stand out? But sometimes, it's true, the fraudy feelings creep in.
10. I still really want to write a book: This has been on my bucket list for at least 5 years now. I want to write a book and really share my story. I don't know if it would be a memoir, a how-to, a picture book - I'm not sure. But I love to write and I love sharing my writing with others. So, while I don't talk about this goal very much, it is still on the list of things I'd like to accomplish in my lifetime.
Whoa - can we all take a deep breath in & out?! That was real & raw stuff right there. It's probably one of the most honest podcasts I've ever done. And it took a lot to get the courage to do it. So thank you for holding space for me (and my tears).